She might as well have told me to stop breathing. I would have been able to do so for a few minutes, but then instinct would take over and I would breathe on my own. That was how it was when it came to her. I would try to go against nature and keep my distance, to protect her from all my stupid shit, but then instinct would take over and I would have to be close to her. I’d finally accepted that.

After I’d fucked up to the point that the woman who had once loved me just as much as I loved her, now hated the sight of me.

Chapter 4

Marissa

I was still shaking with lingering rage as I tossed random foods onto a plate. The smell of the food didn’t even register. It could have been sawdust for all I cared. Grabbing a bottle of Voss, I carried my dinner to the nearest table that had someone I didn’t mind listening to talk while I stabbed at my food rather than eating it.

Luckily for me it was with Lana who was sitting with Harper, Dallas, and the lead singer of Alchemy, Bishop. They all smiled when I took the empty chair between Dallas and Harper. Dallas’s smile turned into a frown when she saw that I wasn’t smiling back. “What did he do this time?”

“Nothing,” I told her, forcing a smile. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I rushed to tell her when she opened her mouth to call bullshit. “Where’s Cannon?” I asked to distract her. All you ever had to do to change the subject with Dallas or Axton Cage was to mention their adorable baby boy.

Dallas’s face lit up and she glanced over her shoulder to where a playpen had been set up. “He’s sleeping. I don’t know how he can snooze through all these people talking, but he is his father’s son.”

“Drake says that Axton could sleep through a hurricane,” Lana said with a laugh before taking a hearty bite of ribs smothered in BBQ sauce. She licked her lips, then started sucking on her thumb. Apparently when you were six months pregnant you had to make sure you got every last smear of whatever you were eating. “So I can get why Cannon would sleep through this craziness.”

“Someone please distract my husband,” Harper muttered as she glanced over my shoulder. She was frowning hard, and her jaw was clenched. “I have no idea what is going on with Nat, but she and Devlin are about to tear each other’s hair out… Well, what’s left of Nat’s hair. Seriously, why would she cut it that short? I can just see how Stella is going to react when she drops Jenna off tomorrow.”

Lana’s eyes widened when she followed her sister-in-law’s gaze. “Holy shit. I didn’t even notice her. I thought she was just as obsessed with her hair as Drake is with his. Oh, damn. The Stevenson brothers just zeroed in on little sister drama.” Lana scooted back her chair and stood as quickly as her ever growing belly would allow. “Harper, maybe you should try and talk your man into some bathroom action. He seems to like that shit so much it’s liable to distract him for a good thirty minutes.”

“And have Jesse’s wrath rain down on my head?” Harper shook her head but followed Lana as they both went to catch their husbands before they could reach the very obvious arguing couple by the buffet.

Even from where I was sitting I could see the pain in Devlin’s aquamarine eyes as he kept staring at Natalie’s short hair. I’d thought that Natalie had cut her hair to make her feel like she was starting a new chapter in her life. Now, I could tell that she had done it just to punish Devlin Cutter. I didn’t really blame her for wanting to hurt him over and over again¸ because yeah, she’d been doing plenty of that. Maybe she hadn’t gone out and started sleeping around to get back at him, but she’d sure as hell made statements with some of the things she’d done in the last year or so. Not that I was taking up for Devlin, because I wouldn’t do that. Not when he had basically shattered Natalie to the point of no return. But that didn’t mean I liked to watch him being in pain.

Looking away, Dallas and I locked gazes and shared a knowing look. Other than Emmie, we were the only women who knew what was really going on with Natalie because she had sworn us all to secrecy. Drake and Shane were close with both Devlin and Zander and if the Stevenson brothers found out what had happened last spring then it would be the end of those friendships… And Devlin’s and Zander’s lives. That Natalie cared enough about saving their sorry skin, had to mean she must still care about both a lot.

Before everything had turned sour last year, Natalie and Zander had been good friends, but friends was all it was ever going to be because Natalie was blind to anyone but Devlin. Zander, however, hadn’t been able to accept that and had made the bet with Devlin. And when it looked like Devlin had won that stupid bet, Zander had ruined Devlin’s relationship with Natalie by spilling the beans about the bet.

Glancing back toward the buffet where Devlin and Natalie were still having a whispered argument, I saw that Lana had easily distracted Drake. He was now wrapped around his wife with his hands rubbing over her distended belly where yet another daughter was growing. Lana murmured something that had the big man laughing, his blue-gray eyes sparkling with happiness. I could remember a time when Drake rarely laughed, when his eyes were bloodshot and almost yellow because of all the Jack Daniels he consumed on a daily basis. It melted my heart to see how happy he was now, to see his eyes clear and alight with peace that his little family had brought him.

Harper had locked onto Shane, and was standing on tiptoes to whisper in her husband’s ear. He was grinning and nodding his head, but his eyes kept straying toward his sister every few seconds. The smile would dim until Harper would whisper something else. After a moment she started tugging on his hand, leading him toward the back where the bathrooms were. Obviously Lana’s suggestion had worked…

“You think this is easy for me, Nat?” Devlin suddenly demanded loud enough for the entire room to hear him. “Well, it’s fucking not.”

Shane froze and shot around to glare at the man talking to his sister across the room. Harper grabbed onto his arm tighter. “Leave it alone, Shane,” she told him but he extracted his arm carefully so he wouldn’t hurt her then started toward his sister. “She can handle it.”

Drake’s attention had also been caught and his head snapped up at the sound of Devlin talking the way he had to his sister. Drake and Shane might not have had anything to do with their sisters growing up, but as soon as Jenna and Natalie had come back into their lives they had more than made up for the brotherly love and protectiveness.