I knew this was going to be hard, but I never, ever imagined it would be like this! We had been busy making arrangements all week: making sure that Emmie had enough money and that it was hidden from her mother; getting her a phone so she could talk to us every day; finding the right person that was trustworthy and paying them out the ass to make sure that Emmie was okay while we were so far away.

Drake and Shane had already said their good-byes. Each had hugged her hard and long, telling her that they loved her and would talk to her soon. Now Jesse had her in his arms, rocking her as she sobbed into his chest. Each shake of her body was like a twist of a dagger in my chest. I hadn’t seen my little baby doll cry in years, so those tears and broken sobs made direct hits to my heart.

Jesse was having a hard time controlling his own tears. He was more protective of Emmie than even I was. One look at her baby doll face and he had been helpless as she wrapped herself around his heart. “I’ll call you every night,” Jesse promised again, for what had to be the hundredth time that morning. “If you need me I’ll be on the first plane back.”

Emmie just nodded her auburn head, unable to speak through her sobs.

He held on a few minutes more. Finally, he unwrapped her from the tangled hold she had on him. With a tortured look, he kissed her forehead and turned away, not allowing Emmie to see the tears streaming down his face.

My little baby doll just stood there, shoulders trembling as she watched Jesse walk away through her tears. Emmie had grown up a lot in the six years since I had first met her. She might only be eleven now, but she had an old soul. After living the life she had, seeing things that no human being should ever have to see—let alone a child—she was beyond mature for her age.

I wasn’t as strong as my friends. I knew that as soon as I hugged her I wasn’t going to be able to get on the plane. Instead, I kissed her cheek and whispered, “Bye, baby doll,” before following Jesse.

My heart broke in my chest when her sobs stopped. I knew then that not hugging her good-bye had been a mistake. I knew that she thought I was abandoning her, but there was nothing I could do about it. In that moment I was worried more about my sanity than her hurt feelings.

The next weeks were busy. I had meetings with the record labels to sign contracts and start my rocker life. On top of that I was looking for the best assisted living facility that money could pay for. I wanted my mom on the West Coast with me so I could keep an eye on her in between the tours that Rich Branson had already committed us to.

Each night after dinner the guys and I would call Emmie. She talked and talked and talked to Drake, Shane, and Jesse. But when it was my turn to chat I got cold, monosyllable answers. Was school going well? Yes. Was her mom treating her ok? Yes. Did she need anything? No. I felt like I was being stabbed repeatedly each night. When I found out that she was calling the others several times a day, it was another stab to the heart. The few times I had tried to call her in the middle of the day, I had only gotten her voice mail.

By the time our first tour started I had things with my mom sorted out. She was living at one of the best facilities in the country and she seemed happy there. Her condition had seemed to worsen since we had gotten to California, and there were days that she didn’t even recognize me when I went to visit her.

Stressed out, feeling heartbroken over my mom and the way Emmie was treating me, I started drinking. Not as much as Drake, but I was catching up. I felt angry all the time, lost and lonely more often than not. This was the life I had always wanted. The rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle that I had dreamed about for so long. I had a huge bank account, girls dropping their panties for me every night, fame, and best of all people were listening to my music.

So why wasn’t I happy?

Going Home

“Good night, Cleveland!”

I tried not to roll my eyes as Axton Cage stepped off the stage with a handful of roses, and even more panties.

For the last three months we had been touring with OtherWorld. We were both headliners, and with each new city, we switched who would end the show. Since Cleveland was so close to our hometown, we were closing it out tonight. Of course that didn’t stop Axton and me from betting who could get the best reaction from the crowd.

I had to give it to the man, he could rock hard. But I knew I was better, knew that I would get the crowd going more than he had. He stopped beside me as he left the stage, a bottle of water in his free hand, twirling a lacy black thong on his index finger. “Top that, fucker.”

The thing about Axton was you either liked him or hated him. There was no in between with him. Lucky for him I happened to like the jerk, otherwise I might have already put my fist in his face and made him swallow some of those pearly whites in that perfect smile of his. But sharing one tour bus between the two bands on this tour had left us all as friends in the short time we had been on the road together.

So I grinned at my new friend. “Oh, I plan on it.”

Axton dropped his pile of flowers and underwear and opened his water. “Yeah, I figured you would.” He stood with me while the stage was turned from an OtherWorld wonderland to a Demon’s Wings nightmare theme. “There are a few hot ones in the front row. Maybe you’ll see something you like.”

I gritted my teeth. “Yeah, maybe.” But I doubted it. In the year since Demon’s Wings had left Ohio for the bright lights of California, I had grown tired of all the girls throwing themselves at me. I hated to admit it to anyone, myself included, but I was tired of this life I had dreamed of for most of my life.

Maybe it had something to do with not having Emmie in my life at the moment. The little baby doll that had been a huge part of my world wasn’t even speaking to me these days. I had hated the monosyllable conversations that we first had when I had moved away. Now I actually wished that I could even get that much out of her. I had to rely on Jesse, Drake, and Shane to fill me in on what was happening with her.

I was hoping when we went to visit her the next morning I could get her to forgive me. That she would see things from my point and understand why I hadn’t given her a proper good-bye all those months ago.

Halfway through our set I had the crowd chanting our name. I was in my element. The stage was littered with broken red roses, bras that had girls’ names and numbers on the inside cups, and panties. I had to admit that as tired as I was from all the other crap, I knew that I would never get bored with this. I loved performing for a live crowd, loved the reaction of the fans. Got high from the adrenaline rush it gave me.